A long time ago, in a land far away, the city of Asparagus stood wreathed in the early morning mist. Lotus woke up. Today was her big day! She was so excited. The day she would be fed to the dragon! She dressed quickly in her nicest clothes and tiptoed off to the dragon's lair.
She stood at the entrance of the dark, dark cave.
"Hello? Mr. Dragon? It's me! I'm your sacrifice! Won't you come and eat me?
The dragon lumbered out.
"Why would I eat you?" the dragon asked. "You don't have that which I want most. Your parents are dead and you hold no love for your grandmother. You love no one and are unloved. You have placed your heart in a cage and thrown away the key. Why would I eat you?"
Lotus stood stock still.
"Eat me!" she cried. "Please! I can’t bear being so alone and Grandmother’s too senile to care."
The dragon laughed and bent its long neck down to Lotus.
"You know, my dear," it whispered conspiratorially in her ear, "I'll tell you a secret. I don't like to eat humans."
Lotus gaped. "You don't? What’s the problem?"
"No," sighed the dragon, "They’re so fattening, and it's so hard to maintain a proper reputation these days without a tibia stuck between your teeth.”
It reached a claw into its mouth. “ ‘ike thiff wun, if’s gehing ohd.”
There was a loud crack. The dragon swallowed. “Oops. Now I have to eat you. I shouldn’t really, but perhaps... just a little taste.”
Lotus closed her eyes and prepared herself to meet her maker. She hoped her parents would be there. She took a deep breath, smelling the minty freshness of the dragon’s mouth (Wrigley’s Spearmint! Even better, longer lasting!)”, and heard a jangling sound coming from behind her.
“Halt!” a voice intoned. “Release her!”
“Aw crap,” Lotus thought, “Hurry up dragon!”
She stifled a sob as she felt the dragon withdraw.
“Foul beast! Go back to the abyss! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your master!”
Lotus’ eyes snapped open. A man dressed in armour stood a little ways off, standing in what she assumed was meant to be a heroic pose but was coming across as stupid. “Oh my God. You totally stole that from Lord of the Rings.”
The knight straightened up. “Did not,” he said shortly.
“Did too.” She jabbed her finger at him accusingly. The dragon rummaged around beside her, muttering to itself. “Dragon code, dragon code, I knew I had that book in here somewhere... Yes!”
“Lotus, your grandmother sent me to-”
“HAH, DID TOO!”
“RAAAGGGHH!” said the dragon. It checked to see that it had gotten their attention and began to read. “Do you not know death when you see it, old man? This is my hour!”
“YOU TOO!? WHAT THE EXPLETIVE”
The knight charged, waving his sword.
The dragon reared onto its hind legs.
The maiden stood at the side, fuming.
The dragon and knight seemed to be evenly matched, neither hitting the other, insults flying fast. And so it continued.
For nearly a day, Lotus watched in increasing impatience, stealing food and drink from the knight’s pack.
Then the maiden arose, picked up a dagger, and stabbed the dragon.
The dragon died.
The knight slumped to the ground. When he had regained his breath, he said to her, “There is no honour in my victory. What about the code?”
“Hang the code, and hang the rules! They're more like guidelines, anyway,” she said. “You ruined it! I’m going home.”
“Do I get to marry you now?” he asked hopefully.
She looked at him with pity in her eyes.
“Wait, what’s your name?”
She left.
“My name’s Leather!”
She didn’t hear it.
“It starts with an L!”
She ran.
The door unlocked, slowly.
“Hello, Grandmother. I’m home.”
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Characters by Alyssa and Natalie
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