How to blow your nose

This is assuming that you are using facial tissue, such as the everpresent Premier, or Scott, or one of the Hypermarket brands. Your tissue should come in a box and have about 200 sheets, each at 2-ply. To begin with, you open up the box and pull out the topmost tissue. Normally you'll pull out more than one in the beginning as they're all tightly packed together but that's okay, as you've been holding your phlegm in your nose for the past five minutes while you look for the box and wrestle it out of that closet with all the spiders in it and you'll probably use more than one.

Once you've gotten the tissue out of the box, take your time to fold it in half. Your tissue should naturally come in a folded rectangle (unless you're using those evil 8/10/12 piece tissue packs), but make sure you get it exact. Now press the middle of your folded tissue paper against your nose, apply pressure on the unclogged nostril with your thumb or index finger and let loose. Everything should emerge in a rather graceful blob on the tissue paper unless you were too enthusiastic and let it fly everywhere.

Proceed to fold your folded tissue in half. You should get a rather large square. Turn it over, and blow again if you so desire. Fold in half again, so you get a smallish rectangle, and fold the folded thrice over tissue again to get your desired shape, a square. This shape excels in many ways, including water retention and being compact. You can also stack them up if you have a cold, stuff them neatly into the door-shelve-things in cars, or roll them up.

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